Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My dad

They found bits of cancer everywhere. Apparently 2 years ago when he went in for the first time to look for cancer they found a spot but upon testing it came back as an infection - not cancer. The doctor told my dad, "I knew it was cancer, it just tested negative". That really irritates me because 2 years ago he could have been easily treated and probably stood a much better chance! Now, he's got masses in both lungs, one is doubling at an incredible rate. It's still in his spine, under his collar bone, they also found spots on other organs - like his kidneys (and he's showing symptoms from that already!). He had started to improve but my sister said everyday she can see the cancer symptoms showing more and more. He's tired all the time, so tired he can't even get up at night to pee. He sleeps alot and can't go more than an hour before he has to lay down. It's really taking a tole on him and my sister, she's having a hard time - emotionally and physically. He's very stubborn and doesn't want to give into help so she's scared to death he's gonna fall or get hurt because he still wants to do everything himself. And it just breaks her heart to watch him decline - she said he just sits and trembles now. They had to put him on female hormones to get him to eat. In the 2 weeks he's been home all he's had was a few sips of ensure everyday. He's just not hungry. Now he's eating like a champ, so I think that will at least help him build up some weight/strength. The doctor set him up with hospice, as much as he hates the idea he is greatful that he won't have to go to a doctor anymore - they'll come to him. It's just all so damn depressing. I can't imagine how he feels - he went into that surgery thinking that the issues were from his back being broke, not from cancer. He went in expecting to come out and be free of back pain (which he is) and in a few weeks being able to get back to his fishing and hunting. Not to come out with a death sentence. It's just wrong.

My sister is trying to get him to decide what to do with his stuff - I imagine he hates talking about this as much as I do. He told her he just wants everyone to claim whatever they want. She's taking the dog (I am soo greatful for that, he needs a good home and will have one with her). My brother is taking his old truck - it's something he's always wanted fixed up and my brother will be the one with the money/time/interest in doing it. My other brother wants EVERYTHING. He thinks he should get all the cars, the atv's, the boats, the camper... everything. He's a drug addict and just wants crap he can pawn. I told my sister that the only things I'd like to have are his camper - it's the same camper he had when I was little, a lot of good memories in it. And some of his taxidermy stuff - that's was his hobby. He's got soo much stuff I don't even know what we'll do with it all. I figure since I am the only child of his who is into camping/hunting/fishing I'll probably take most of that stuff just because it's something we shared an interest in. It just feels so wrong to me to think about this stuff when he's not even gone yet.

So onto the sucky parts of everything... other than the cancer. His crazy g/f thinks that everything should be hers! He bought her a $100,000 house that is NOT paid off and there is no insurance to cover it. Sooo... my brother is in charge of his estate and told her that she's going to have to put it in her name or he's going to have to get rid of it. None of us can afford to carry her - she hasn't paid on that house, ever. My dad paid for it. Insane. I don't know why he did that, it's just soo not like my dad to do! Anyway, she's causing hell. She HATES my siblings and I and is being a royal thorn in the ass about everything. She thinks everyone should just go home and let her take care of him. Huh! Wouldn't she just love for us to leave so she could get her money hungry kids over to sucky him dry before he dies! As my sister said, my extra extra Christian sister who would never call anyone a name... she's a BITCH!

My sister really wants me to come out and I want and need to go, soon. I've been trying to put it off till after June 9th - Joe's last day of school but I don't know if we'll be able to wait that long. He just seems to be going downhill so fast now. Hunter's birthday is on the 29th and I'd also like to be here for that, for DH. It makes him sad that we might not be here for it, but he understands and is fine with it if we can't. He did say I might get a weekend visitor if that's the case lol. My husband suggested that I plan on staying until he passes and unless he has some miraculous turn around and it looks like he'll be ok for months I probably will. I think I keep hoping for something like that, but I don't think it's going to happen. My mom already has our beds set up there and I'm trying to think of things to do with the kids as dad won't be able to handle all of them all day so we'll probably only visit a few hours a day then when my mom is offwork I'll go down and "relieve" my sister for a while. The great thing about being in AZ for summer -- warm lake water!! We'll be swimming! =D Water in ID and here is farrrr too cold for swimming but man on a 110 degree day in AZ the water is sooo nice! Sometimes too nice lol!

So if you're still reading, I'm done now lol!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Fondant 101 lol

So I started using fondant over a year ago my first two experiences with it were NOT fun and I swore I'd never use it again. Until I learned how to make MMF (marshmallow fondant). Oh my gosh, sooooooo much easier and sooooo much cheaper! So now I use it all the time! But there are other types of fondant - they are much more difficult to make and require expensive ingredients that are also hard to find. Or, you can always just buy it, but it's about $15 a batch.


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Anyway, I use MMF for all my cakes now. It doesn't take a professional to use it, it's very easy!

First you need supplies: 1 bag of marshmallows and 1 (2lb) bag of powdered sugar will make you 1 batch of fondant. (you'll have left over sugar, you can use it for rolling and save the rest). A tub of shortening (like crisco, any brand), and your frosting - the picture shows what I use which is whip cream with raspberry preserves, it's just something we like, buttercream or any flavor/type of icing works just fine (even store bought!). (I was making 3 batches, so I had 3 bags of each) And of course - your cake. Your cake needs to be cool or room temp so I suggest making it the night before.

To make the actual fondant you'll only need the marshmallow, sugar and water.



Here we go....

The very first thing you need to do is sift your sugar, if you don't you will get hard clumps of it in your fondant which doesn't look real pretty. So sift it at least once (twice is better if you're using what I have there - if you use a sifter like this once is enough - I forgot I had one of those lol) and be sure to get all the hard bits out. Set it aside in a bowl with a scooper that is about 1 cup.



Put the entire bag of marshmallows in a pot with 2 tablespoons of water and melt them - stirring CONSTANTLY!! It's very very important that you do not burn the marshmallow so keep your heat low and do not stop stirring!




When it gets to where most of the marshmallows are melted but there are still chunks take it off the heat and continue to stir until the rest are melted (there will be plenty enough heat to melt the rest).



If you want to color the entire batch, now is my favorite time to add it because it won't color your hands this way! So add a few drops of food coloring into your fodant. Remember, you can add more color but taking it away is hard. This was mothers day so I used red to create pink.



And stir...



Next scoop in 4 cups of your sifted sugar. Let it sit a minute - the marshmallow is hot, you don't want to burn your fingers by digging in!



Now the greasy part lol, take a handful of shortening and rub it all over your counter - or where ever you will be making your fondant. Then sprinkle a bit of sugar over that. NOW grab another little handful and rub it all over your hands, inbetween your fingers and even up your wrists some - trust me on this! It will help avoid getting 'club' hands lol.



Now obviously I didn't get any photos of the "dumping and greasing" part since my hands were covered in goo lol. All you're going to do is (carefully) with your greasy hands dump the pot of marshmallow/sugar onto that spot you just made and start mixing it together with your hands - folding it around the sugar, sort of.. kneeding it. Withing 4-5 minutes you'll start to get a thick dough like texture with it. Add in sugar as you see necessary. Just continue to do that until it gets to where you can poke it and it's not sticky. It never takes me more than 10 minutes to get to this point. It will look something like this:



Now he's a good example of what happens if you DON'T sift your sugar (yeah, I forgot OK?).
See the white chunks? That's gonna be a pain in the rear later!! However, even with sifting you may still get some of these... just pull them out as you work with it.



Wrap in plastic wrap and let it sit in the fridge - overnight is better but at least a few hours!



When you get it out of the fridge, it's going to feel like a rock. You can sit it at room temperature for a few hours and let it warm up. OR, you can toss it in the microwave (marshmallows are awesome in this way!) for a few seconds till it's softer. As you are decorating it you may find your smaller pieces that sit out get harder so you can just toss them and warm them up to make them soft again as needed. Just a few seconds!! Anymore than that and it will melt and you'll have to add more sugar!
Get your tools...


And decorate!!



My finished project:

Monday, December 21, 2009

I blog again! (and it's long)

I just re-read that last blog - the gallbladder one - made me kind of chuckle. I was soo scared of that surgery and it was just nothing. I had the surgery the day after my ER visit because "waiting" didn't happen lol. I was just expecting surgery to be soo horrible but it really wasn't. Once I got back from the second surgery I declined all meds so that I'd get my 24 hrs "drug free" so that I could get back to breastfeeding asap. Worked out good, I hit my 24 hrs right when Dh showed up with the kids to get me and MAN was Hunter happy to have a boob back lol! The doctor came in and offered me some prescription pain relievers but really, it wasn't that bad! Compared to the pain I had been in for days.. it was completely tolerable so I declined. A little sore to lay down but not bad. I took some tylonel that day I got home (which was Thursday July 23rd - Joe's 8th birthday) but by Saturday I was myself again, loaded the kids up for some shopping, got lunch, had fun with my mom - got yelled at for being up and moving around. But who the hell could just lay in bed? I heal faster when I'm up and doing things. I think that's why I recovered from having Hunter so fast, I was home 4 hrs after he was born and I was able to cook the family dinner and clean my house and just went back to my normal life. Anyway, glad that is all said and done!

Sorry if I seem kind of bitchy, whiney, hormonal - truth is I just am all those things right now. I really DO like it here, I just a spoiled rotten brat who doesn't like to have to deal with some things - like walking the dog and going upstairs to use the bathroom and to the basement to shower. Amazingly enough the 70's shag carpet, the crazy kitchen tile, and the green appliances aren't bothering me at all. The oven and I have had our moments - it's a royal peice of crap but we went and ordered one at Sears yesterday and it's supposed to be here Christmas eve so with any luck we'll have a nice new oven to cook our Christmas prime rib in. Sad thing is that I have a beautiful new oven sitting in the basement that I can't use because the house is set up for gas and the electric box thing isn't big enough to handle an electric oven. Anyway, a new oven will make a world of difference. Then in January we're having this company come take our kitchen cabinets and basically cut them so that we can fit our big white fridge upstairs. Then I might convience my husband to buy me a new dishwasher next year and the house will have pretty new white appliances! I wish the house was bigger because if it had another 2 bedrooms and another bathroom with new carpet and tile I could live here. But it's very small so we're thinking about building a new house on the extra lot we have and then my mom has mentioned renting this place from us (I think she's ready to leave AZ now that her husband passed). That would be very cool. I really don't mind the area, the school district is supposed to be one of the best and so far Joe's really happy there. It's a very small town but close to bigger ones - literally like 10 minutes down the street we have a huge mall, walmarts and all that good stuff. So it's really not that bad. I just am a brat =D.

I'm trying sooo hard to have patience with the dog. She's having a hard time adjusting too, she's used to having a huge backyard with free roam and now has to be walked. And DH is wanting to put a run up for her but it scares me because she's little and cute so people want to pet her but she's mean and will bite. So I worry about that. Maybe we'll fence an area in summer for her. The inlaws house sits on 14 acres and when we go visit we take her because we can let her go and she just runs and barks and chases animals. She just loves being there. I almost wish they'd adopt her lol. (MIL wants her badly, Joe has already agree'd to this arrangment but FIL says NO! lol)

Kids are good, excited about Christmas. Jayden actually sat with Santa for a picture this year -made me soo happy! He's always telling me that Santa is coming and bringing him a Wii (he just wants everything Joe wants - we got him a splatster, he's going to love it). Joe is worried - I've put NO gifts out this year, so he's wondering if he's getting any and has already mentioned that he doesn't think Santa will come because he's been kind of bad this year lol. He doesn't know it but the cabinets in the basement are full of wrapped presents hehehe. And there are some hidden at the inlaws house too. The Christmas we had planned on "taking it easy" on gifts ended up being the one we spent the most (typical). They're all getting very spoiled this year. The inlaws all went insane buying them stuff... they have no idea the stuff waiting for them! A bunch of spoiled little boys, what more can you want?! hehe

My "baby" is already almost 7 months old and he does not give a crap about Christmas lol! He's crawling and pulling himself up on everything. He says, "UH OH" all the time now. He's a ham! He flirts with everyone lol. He'll find someone and start smiling and giggling and if they don't respond to his attention seeking he screams at them lol. It's cute. He's decided baby food is for babies - he wants chunks so he can feed himself. He'll still eat off a spoon, but prefers stuff he can feed himself. And he lets you know when he's hungry he sits and slaps his mouth and clicks and chews when he wants food. And if I ignore him he screams, literally screams, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMA" lol.

Anyway, I won't write an entire book today I'll call it quits here.

Monday, July 20, 2009

My ER visit

So at 11pm I felt kind of... ewy, like my stomach was starting to hurt. I tried to ignore it and just went to bed (knowing what I was in for). Woke up at 1:30 and it was starting to hurt REAL bad... again, tried to ignore it. Wasn't happening, I was in so much freaking pain I wanted to get a knife and cut it out myself! I told DH I HAVE to go the ER because I'm not gonna survive this one. I would have much rather been in labor all over again, because it did not hurt nearly this bad (and I had a NATURAL childbirth lol)! We loaded up the kids and went to the ER - I was in soooooo much pain I made him drive like 50 and run all the redlights (it was 2am by now -dead out!). Thank GOD the hospital is not even 3 minutes from the house! So we get there, he drops me off so I can get in there and parks. They take us back and the nurse does all the typical stuff. Leaves, comes back tries to get an IV going - about kills me with that, she couldn't get it and gave up. Doctor comes in and I've been there like an hour and the pain is much much better at this point. Talks to me, feels around and says, "Your other two doctors didn't think you have a gallbladder problem? You have all the right symptoms, the right area, and you just had a baby, it's a perfect fit!".. UM, THANK YOU, That's what I've been saying! So he has them run some blood work to make sure it's nothing else - HOURS later he comes back and something in my blood pointed him to my gallbladder even more. So he gave me a referral to the imaging center. Supposed to call at 7 to get an appt for today or tomorrow to confirm that it is that. Then I'll have to schedule surgery.

We talked about the surgery and the baby... he said that the gallbladder isn't a huge deal like health wise - I won't die tomorrow from it but it sucks pain wise. However he felt it would be better if I waited till the baby was older to get it done (because of breastfeeding) and the fact I may not be able to for a while because of meds & "healing". Soooo he was thinking I should try to hold off for 4-6 months. He gave me a huge pamplet on what to NOT eat to keep me from having problems and some meds to take should I have one. It will calm my gallbladder and stop the pain. Down side to the meds - after I take them I can't nurse for 4 hours! So... yeah, not good. Then once Hunter is old enough to go a while without eating we can do the surgery. Unless I keep having attacks and the meds don't help then I just need to get it done.

My poor husband he was soooo scared tonight, he thought for sure they were going to hall me off and do it right then and there. He was like OMG I have no milk for Hunter, he's never even been offered a bottle you know he won't take it lol. So it was a huge relief that we can wait a while longer.

Sucks I might have to deal w/ pain longer BUT I'll just watch my diet close and hell maybe this "paper and water" diet will help me lose a bunch of weight! Gotta look at it positively right?
Anyway, I'm still feeling pretty crappy - can't lay down, it hurts. So I'm gonna go watch some tube! Oh yeah... I got serious cuff hickies lol! I'll have to post a picture of that later!