My dad

They found bits of cancer everywhere. Apparently 2 years ago when he went in for the first time to look for cancer they found a spot but upon testing it came back as an infection - not cancer. The doctor told my dad, "I knew it was cancer, it just tested negative". That really irritates me because 2 years ago he could have been easily treated and probably stood a much better chance! Now, he's got masses in both lungs, one is doubling at an incredible rate. It's still in his spine, under his collar bone, they also found spots on other organs - like his kidneys (and he's showing symptoms from that already!). He had started to improve but my sister said everyday she can see the cancer symptoms showing more and more. He's tired all the time, so tired he can't even get up at night to pee. He sleeps alot and can't go more than an hour before he has to lay down. It's really taking a tole on him and my sister, she's having a hard time - emotionally and physically. He's very stubborn and doesn't want to give into help so she's scared to death he's gonna fall or get hurt because he still wants to do everything himself. And it just breaks her heart to watch him decline - she said he just sits and trembles now. They had to put him on female hormones to get him to eat. In the 2 weeks he's been home all he's had was a few sips of ensure everyday. He's just not hungry. Now he's eating like a champ, so I think that will at least help him build up some weight/strength. The doctor set him up with hospice, as much as he hates the idea he is greatful that he won't have to go to a doctor anymore - they'll come to him. It's just all so damn depressing. I can't imagine how he feels - he went into that surgery thinking that the issues were from his back being broke, not from cancer. He went in expecting to come out and be free of back pain (which he is) and in a few weeks being able to get back to his fishing and hunting. Not to come out with a death sentence. It's just wrong.

My sister is trying to get him to decide what to do with his stuff - I imagine he hates talking about this as much as I do. He told her he just wants everyone to claim whatever they want. She's taking the dog (I am soo greatful for that, he needs a good home and will have one with her). My brother is taking his old truck - it's something he's always wanted fixed up and my brother will be the one with the money/time/interest in doing it. My other brother wants EVERYTHING. He thinks he should get all the cars, the atv's, the boats, the camper... everything. He's a drug addict and just wants crap he can pawn. I told my sister that the only things I'd like to have are his camper - it's the same camper he had when I was little, a lot of good memories in it. And some of his taxidermy stuff - that's was his hobby. He's got soo much stuff I don't even know what we'll do with it all. I figure since I am the only child of his who is into camping/hunting/fishing I'll probably take most of that stuff just because it's something we shared an interest in. It just feels so wrong to me to think about this stuff when he's not even gone yet.

So onto the sucky parts of everything... other than the cancer. His crazy g/f thinks that everything should be hers! He bought her a $100,000 house that is NOT paid off and there is no insurance to cover it. Sooo... my brother is in charge of his estate and told her that she's going to have to put it in her name or he's going to have to get rid of it. None of us can afford to carry her - she hasn't paid on that house, ever. My dad paid for it. Insane. I don't know why he did that, it's just soo not like my dad to do! Anyway, she's causing hell. She HATES my siblings and I and is being a royal thorn in the ass about everything. She thinks everyone should just go home and let her take care of him. Huh! Wouldn't she just love for us to leave so she could get her money hungry kids over to sucky him dry before he dies! As my sister said, my extra extra Christian sister who would never call anyone a name... she's a BITCH!

My sister really wants me to come out and I want and need to go, soon. I've been trying to put it off till after June 9th - Joe's last day of school but I don't know if we'll be able to wait that long. He just seems to be going downhill so fast now. Hunter's birthday is on the 29th and I'd also like to be here for that, for DH. It makes him sad that we might not be here for it, but he understands and is fine with it if we can't. He did say I might get a weekend visitor if that's the case lol. My husband suggested that I plan on staying until he passes and unless he has some miraculous turn around and it looks like he'll be ok for months I probably will. I think I keep hoping for something like that, but I don't think it's going to happen. My mom already has our beds set up there and I'm trying to think of things to do with the kids as dad won't be able to handle all of them all day so we'll probably only visit a few hours a day then when my mom is offwork I'll go down and "relieve" my sister for a while. The great thing about being in AZ for summer -- warm lake water!! We'll be swimming! =D Water in ID and here is farrrr too cold for swimming but man on a 110 degree day in AZ the water is sooo nice! Sometimes too nice lol!

So if you're still reading, I'm done now lol!